14 Things Bare Minimum Men Do That You Need To Stop Rewarding, According To A Therapist

While we can blame bare minimum men for not trying very hard in a relationship, some of the blame also lands on us. When we prop up bare minimum behavior as grand gestures and proof of love, we’re lowering the bar all the way down to the floor. Here are some of the things he says your man should be doing by default:

Going to therapy.
Wearing a condom without whining about it.
Putting actual, noticeable effort into a relationship.
Validating your emotions.
Regularly going down on you.
Planning date nights.
Texting you back right away.
Changing diapers.
Doing reflective listening.
Having a duvet cover.
Not taking advantage of you just because they can.
Not becoming passive-aggressive when you reject them.
Showing emotions.
Being a good parent.

Jeff goes on to say that these things “shouldn’t be seen as feminine tasks.” And isn’t that the crux of the matter? So many men see that list and think those things aren’t for them. Those are things women do. (Cue the massive eyeroll from our female readers.) And that, if men do them, they should be applauded for it. Jeff goes on to explain:

These are basic relationship skills that every person–no matter their gender–should possess. It’s okay to have high expectations when dating men. It’s the patriarchy that’s convinced us that women are supposed to serve men and take care of all of the relationship stuff. Don’t give in to that shit.
Wiser words have never been spoken. Don’t let bare minimum men make you think that even just a tiny bit of effort is “enough.” It isn’t. Hold men to higher standards. Hold them to the same standards of energy and commitment that you put forward in the relationship as well. Because you deserve the best.